9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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