He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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