pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
