Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
