I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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