I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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