would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
