Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
