Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
