We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
