dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
