I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
