WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think I am morally bankrupt
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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