I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
