I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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