I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
