She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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