Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
