I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
