nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
