Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
