we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
