When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
