If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
