She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Acid is not a monday night drug
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
