so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
