Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
