Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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