whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
