Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
