Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
