i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
