swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
