she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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