Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
