ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
