yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
