I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
