before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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