My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
