my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
