this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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