you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
