mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
