Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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