I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Acid is not a monday night drug
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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