your room smells of hookers.
And success
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
