in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
