Have you finally orgasmed yet?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
