I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
