Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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