I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
